Tips For Coping With Difficult People May 3, 2008
Posted by janey in : success in relationships , trackbackDealing with difficult people can make you very irritated and even drive you crazy!
Difficult people actually care very little about you. The reality is you are a blip on their radar screen. You can spend a lot of energy trying to change difficult people but the fact is you don’t have that kind of power.
Another important fact to remember is that difficult people are unlikely to change on their own. This can feel very depressing, however, let’s look at the positive. As difficult people tend not to change, you are able to predict their behaviour. So rather than having high expectations of difficult people and spending a lot of energy and becoming frustrated with them, try focusing your energy on preparing for encounters with them.
As you have probably realized by this time, dealing with difficult people is inevitable. Devise a strategy ahead of time. When dealing with a difficult person the worst thing you can do is to bottle up your irritation, anger, annoyance or feelings of hurt. Instead express your feelings. If someone offends you, say how you feel. Try asking questions to clarify the intention of that difficult person.
When dealing with difficult people invite them to express their feelings. Avoid the temptation to coach or limit an answer by offering multiple choices.
When you are dealing with a difficult person, stay calm. If you can stay calm and polite you have a better chance of not escalating a difficult situation into an impossible one. It also gives you the opportunity to withdraw from the conversation if the difficult person’s behaviour accelerates from irritating to unbearable. You can postpone the interaction by saying something like, “Joe, I’m speaking calmly and courteously to you and I need the same in return. Let’s talk about this later when you’ve have a chance to calm down.”
When coping with difficult people it’s important to keep your perspective. Difficult people are typically only a small percentage of the people that you know. Don’t put all your focus and energy on this minority. Instead focus on your friends and family. Concentrate on co-workers who are helpful and on clients that you enjoy working with.
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